My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
