I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
