Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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