He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
