Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
