mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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