we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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