I wish my penis had an off switch
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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