I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize