No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
