New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
