It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
