i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
