I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
