Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
