i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
