I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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