My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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