So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
