I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
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It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
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I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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