Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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