I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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