My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
