$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
