I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
