my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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