I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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