I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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