Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
