One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
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