so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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