I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
40s are totally the cure
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
