i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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