There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
You're breaking my sexual little heart
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
