he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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