So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
