so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
