Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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