If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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