I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
