I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
zippers are such a cool invention
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
