Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
