So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
