Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
