Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
