I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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