Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
