Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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