I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
