guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
everyone is single if you try hard enough
he thought i was a dude.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
