It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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