I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
