M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
