Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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