Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize
