I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
