It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
