it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
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