Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
