Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
How does one acquire holy water?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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