is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize
