The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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