he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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