But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
